(These are the hard ones—there are good people out there. I’m grateful to have found some of them.)

  • There are those who will belittle others to feel better about themselves.
  • Some refuse to accept that someone from a perceived “inferior” background might have a good idea or be clever.
  • Constant criticism, comparisons, and lack of validation keep some in a “fake” position of power. A rush of dopamine some people get from exploring others’ vulnerabilities—a trauma-driven act that leaves some, specially minorities who already feel outsiders, in a constant state of stress, feeling unworthy and inadequate.
  • You will find occasionally a mindset of “either I’m good, or the other person is good.” There’s rarely an “and” mentality.
  • Being a Native english speaker does not make you better than anyone. Do not overstep and respect people’s autonomy.
  • Many prefer to play games and manipulate, trying to produce some kind of reaction, rather than being genuine.
  • In a group, those who are marginalized and violated are often women, Black people, and Latinos. If you notice a violent and aggressive pattern, you may become a scapegoat for others’ egos, and there’s nothing you can do. It’s best to distance yourself.
  • Honesty can be rare. Manipulation can be the norm. Some will distort reality to get what they want, disregarding others’ pain and interests entirely.
  • If you find yourself in these spaces and decide to speak up, you may face gaslighting and psychological violence repeatedly — or be excluded entirely. There’s a tendency to downplay and deny this violence.
  • It’s not only about the workload. Feeling unheard and being treated unequally can lead to burnout.
  • People often prefer to pretend nothing happened and move on, ignoring your pain. Don’t expect empathy or support. You may get it from rare souls, but this is not the norm (most will protect their jobs, influence and privilege)
  • You may find hypocrisy. Only trust those whose words align with their actions.
  • People tend to treat those with similar status better. Those without the same status become objects of intense criticism, disrespect and violence. This is extremely common, but no less disgusting.
  • Don’t be generous or open your heart in groups and spaces that don’t deserve it. Protect your energy, but never forget your true self or skip the chance for connection when you find one.
  • Develop an inner compass and strength. Trust your goodness and listen only to those you would ask for advice. There’s violence and dysregulation out there.
  • People make decisions – and have their reasons for doing so – but they don’t always act based on the noblest motives. You can understand, but not necessarily respect.
  • Never do to others what has been done to you. Promise to yourself that your mission will be to protect the vulnerable and empower those around you, specially the ones that need the most. Your career, power or position only increases your responsibility.
  • Protect yourself. Move on. There are other ways.